The Adventures of Little Purple Alien Dog
by Dark-Dai1
Summary: worst. fanfiction. ever. a fractured fairy tale involving the digimon 02 cast. contains: shame, incomprehensible crap, runon sentences, kenato, taisuke, koumi, jyoura, takari, character death, etc. i'm so ashamed.


AN: This is quite possibly the worst fanfiction written to date. By anyone. Ever.

You have been warned. And… I apologize.

Also, I should note that this was written specifically to avoid writing a 'real' fanfiction, as a friend of mine was harassing me for a story. She is not a fan of Digimon, and just as well, not a fan of fairy tales, parody's, or my decidedly unfunny humor. This was also a time when I was quite against fanfiction, yaoi and shounen-ai, and thought I was a serious fan of cannon and continuity (meaning: an enemy of imagination. :P). Oddly enough, for some reason I will never understand, my friend wound up liking this story.

Anyway, this was written at a time when I was pretty much an idiot. Despite this five year old fanfiction being a blight, and an embarrassment, I figure, I would post it. If not only to amuse people with my lack of talent and blatant stupidity. Also, in dedication to the friend I'd written this for so many years back. She is truly an awesome person. Much love to my brotha Traci!

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THE ADVENTURES OF LITTLE PURPLE ALIEN DOG

Once upon a time there was this bear who lived in the city and wore a red cloak, and because of that, they called him Little Purple Alien Dog. Well, one day, (we'll just call him Chu, and refer to him as such; because that other name is too long!), so, Chu went out for a walk, to find the old witch in the candy house to ask for three wishes. So, Chu put on his cloak, and growled his bear growl and left the city in search of the witch.

On the way, Chu called the witch from his cell phone and asked if she'd be in so he could ask for the wishes, and she told him yes, but that first he would have to bring her the ruby slippers… cause she did her best work in Ruby slippers. So he agreed. BUT, the only place he knew of that Ruby slippers be, was on the Isle of Nod. And the Isle of nod was a scary place indeed. For it was infested with fairy's who liked to cast spells on people to make them sleep for thousands of years.

Well, Chu was a brave little toaster, so he decided that Nod was the place to go…and besides it was just beyond Sherwood Forest...and he was good friends with the troll under the bridge. Turns out his nick-name is Daryl, and he's a nice fellow too, if you can get past the bad breath, because the dude really liked to eat goats, and face it…goats stink… Also Daryl really liked to be in your face when he spoke. So Chu crossed the bridge.

As soon as his little feet hit the planks of the bridge, a rumbling voice drifted out from beneath, and carried on the breeze with the words… the stink of goat breath.

"Go back!" The troll rumbled.

"Sorry, no can do. I am on a mission, Daryl." Chu explained. This seemed to satisfy Daryl and the troll quieted down, one great hand poking out from under the bridge to wave at Chu as he crossed the bridge and entered the forest.

Everything was going great for Chu, and he was almost through the woods, when all of the sudden, the big bad wolf showed up. Well, the wolf was a fearsome creature indeed and he jumped out at Chu and howled.

"Hey, Little Purple Alien Dog! You look mighty hot in that red cape thingy ya got there." He said. Chu freaked and screamed.

Well, Big Bad just laughed and pinned the bear to the ground, intent on ravishing him until kingdom come. However, Chu caught him off guard and kicked him off. Well, Big bad was just flamin' pissed. He caught the bear, and was gonna 'hit dat ass', but then he got an idea. Chu was pleading for his hide, and Big Bad felt kinda sorry, so he wanted to give Chu a chance. Well, sorta.

"Well, Chu, since ya deserve a chance, how bout this? I'll give you an opportunity to escape, with your pride intact." The wolf thought for a moment. This was too easy.

"What do I have to do?" Chu asked.

"Well, I tell you what, if you can guess my REAL name in three or less guesses, I'll let you go, free of charge." The wolf was cracking up inside. Chu would never guess his real name, and he'd get the sex he craved. After all, Chu was hot, and not really a bear, just a cute boy in a bear suit and red cape, and Big bad wasn't even really a wolf either, though no one knew. He was really just a human with an obsession with soccer, and a raging sexual appetite. So anyway, Chu thought for a moment.

"Your real name? That's all?" Chu asked.

"Yes." Said Big Bad.

"Hmm, is it Willie?" Chu asked.

"Hahaha, no... try again. Two more chances Chu."

Well, Chu thought hard…not that kind of hard, pervert.

"Is it Adrian?" Chu asked. The wolf shook his head. This was hard for Chu, but he was trying.

Suddenly Chu got an idea. A name popped in his head. No, it couldn't be...it was too easy, he thought. The Wolfs real name could never be that simple, but it was worth a try, no? So Chu shouted, for no apparent reason...

"Is it Rumple Stilltskin?"(Chu was an evil genius, but that didn't mean he could spell that well, good thing he was talking instead.) The wolf looked on in shock. Chu had guessed his real name!

"NOOO! This isn't fair, someone told you!" Big Bad shouted. Chu shook his head.

"No, it's just that there are three people in my family with that name, it's rather common. Strange that you're named that too." Chu explained.

Well, Big Bad was starting to steam and all, so he tore off his wolf costume and stood in all his glory before Chu. Chu gasped. Big Bad really was big, and so not bad.

"I'm melting! I'm melting!" Big bad shouted.

"No, but you are kinda hot." Chu purred. But it was too late, he had to move on.

The wolf ran away and Chu went about his walk, sorely disappointed. Anyways, so Chu kept walking thru Sherwood Forest until he got to Crystal Lake. He would have to cross this one to get to Nod to get the ruby slippers. So, he put one foot into the water. It was fine water too. So he went in. Well, bout halfway thru, the bear suit was starting to get heavy. And well, the only thing he could do to not drown was take off the suit. Good thing he decided to wear undies under that there costume. So now in nothing but undies and the red cloak, Chu swam the rest of the way.

He got to the Isle of Nod, and first thing he came across was the slippers. This was too easy. Well, Chu snatched up the slippers and took off running. He'd just swim back and then follow the road to the candy house and the witch and get his wishes. Well, halfway to the beach, something stopped him. A couple of fairies bounded out of the brush and stood before him, barring his way back into the water.

"Well, what do we have here? Someone trying to procure our Ruby slippers I see. Well, what should we do with him?" The red headed fairy asked.

"Well, I have a few ideas. I mean, he is pretty, after all, don't you think?" The one with spiky hair asked. The redheaded fairy smiled at the spiky haired fairy and shook his head.

"I've told you about this. Must we have the discussion again? Not every pretty boy that comes along is a toy." The redhead explained.

"You're such a cock block…" The spiky haired fairy frowned and crossed his arms.

"Well, someone has to make sure your faithful to the wolf. Wouldn't want him to devour you..." The red headed fairy trailed off, wondering if that line of reasoning would actually deter the other fairy. After all, being devoured by the wolf wasn't really a 'bad' thing.

Well, Chu was seriously freaking. What's with all the guys after his ass today? Well, he was wet and pretty much naked, but that was no excuse for all of this. While the fairies argued, Chu slipped away, splashed into the water and swam off toward the opposite shore. He reached the shore quickly and climbed out of the water, and be-damned, the water had shrunk his undies and the cape, so now he was less covered, but that didn't matter. He would just get some clothes from the witch in exchange for the slippers. So Chu trotted off toward the witch's house.

Well, of course, as we all expected, Chu came cross some more trouble. It was a band of thieves. One called herself the queen of hearts, and they played croquet all day in the woods. The others dressed as cards and pretended that they were a royal court. But no one said that people in this world were very normal anyways. After all, Chu himself was a teenage boy who wore a bear suit (but was so freaking NOT a furry! Don't even play about that. Eww.) and was called Little Purple Alien Dog.

Anyways, So Chu was faced with the court. The Queen, a red headed girl, called for her knights, a blue headed boy with glasses and a short ugly boy with a bowl hair cut, to stop Chu. Well, Chu HAD to get thru. He wasn't in the mood to put up with any more bullshit...what with the troll, and the wolf, and the fairies, and now this court. So, Chu jumped over the guard and started to run away. Then the queen screamed "Off with his undies!" And Chu ran faster. Finally he was free and broke into a clearing. Well, since he was pretty tired from running, he figured he'd take a rest on this old log that just happened to be in the clearing. How convenient. So, he sat down and caught his breath.

Well, as you'd figure, just then, Chu heard this awful screeching that was probably supposed to be singing. The sound got closer and closer, and Chu started to get scared. He got up and started to run. Then he stopped short, for just then, thru the trees popped a giant purple dinosaur. It looked rather strange. Not just that it was large and ugly and purple and sang badly, but it also had glasses and long purple hair. A dinosaur, in the woods in this day and age, and with hair and glasses no less? What was this world coming to? Freaked out beyond comprehension, Chu fell over. The dinosaur spotted him, squealed, and grabbed for him. Chu, however, got his wits back about him and took off at top speed, his red cloak left behind. The dinosaur picked it up and snuggled it, drooling, and fell over asleep instantly.

Scared half to death, pissed, and tired, Chu finally made it out of the forest, and before he even saw the house, he could smell gingerbread and candy. He knew he was at the witch's house. Chu sighed. He knocked on the door and instantly a pink haired woman opened the door and ushered him in.

"Got the ruby slippers, sweetie?" She asked. Chu growled and shoved the shoes at the woman.

"You owe me big time, witch, after what I went through. I had to deal with a horny wolf, two bitching fairies, a demented group of teens who think they are a royal court, and a big purple dinosaur just to get those slippers!" Chu flopped into a chair and sighed. "Plus, I lost my clothes! Well, bear suit, but still, now I'm practically naked! And that stupid purple freak took my cloak. Now the name Little Purple Alien Dog makes no sense at all!" Tired and annoyed, Chu sank into the chair.

"Well, dear, I'm sorry about that. I do appreciate what you've done, though. Want your three wishes now? Or would you like to come back tomorrow?" The witch asked.

"NO! I want them now! You are not gonna make me do all this shit for nothing!" Chu shouted. The witch laughed.

"Well," the witch started as she sank into a chair and slipped on the shoes. "I'll get my things ready."

After that, the witch went and got a large pot, started a fire and started adding ingredients and chanting. After a few minutes the witch turned around and said it was almost ready. About twenty minutes later, the witch announced that it was ready, and they could begin in a minute.

"Is that a magic potion?" Chu asked. The witch laughed and shook her head.

"No silly, it's soup. Want some?" She offered. Well, Chu was pissed, and he shouted and cursed and the witch gave in. Finally the witch asked him what his wishes were. And Chu told her.

"My first wish is… I want some damn clothes. This nudity thing is not for me." Chu said looking down at his near naked body.

"Well, I think you could do without the undies, and go full on naked. That would definitely suit you, but well, your wish is my command." The witch smiled and flicked her wrist and magically, of course, Chu was dressed. In a very cool outfit indeed. Cool because it was practically nothing at all, and the wind could get thru. He was now in very short leather shorts, tall leather boots, and a fishnetted shirt. It was rather tacky. Chu glared at the witch intensely, but she only giggled. Well, at least he wasn't naked.

"What's your second wish dear?" the witch asked.

"My second wish is that people would stop calling me Little Purple Alien Dog, and that they would, for once, call me by my real name, damnit. You can't mess that one up for me." Chu said. The witch smirked.

"If you fuck it up I'll shove those slippers right up your ass!" Chu warned.

"Ok, ok. From now on, people will call you by your name, Ken." And the witch flicked her wrist, and suddenly, nothing happened. That one wasn't such an obvious wish, what did you expect? All the previous text to change from 'Chu' to 'Ken'? Nopers.

"Thanks." Ken said.

"No problem." The witch told him. "Now, for your final wish…"

Ken thought a minute on that one. He was thinking how to word it, after all, he was kinda shy, and it was hard to say, but he figured, he'd have to just get it out. Otherwise, he'd never get his wish granted, and the whole trip through hell would be for nothing.

"I wish I could find my one true love." Ken said.

"Well, then why didn't ya just say so, silly. All you must do for something that simple is this... Go out the back door, follow the path to the pond and call out for the enchanted frog. There is the answer to all your problems!" She told him. Ken shook his head.

"But?" He asked.

"But what?" She asked in return.

"What's the catch?" He asked, angry.

''Oh well, it's just a little one. You have to get past the two jealous 'gimme gimme' gargoyles at the entrance." She told him.

"Oh, is that all?" Ken asked sarcastically. After that, Ken left the house out the back, and followed the path. In less than a minute of walking, he saw the gargoyles ahead. They looked rather… small. Very small actually. As he reached the gargoyles, they hopped off the gate and attacked.

"Gimme, gimme!" They shouted as they bounced around him.

This pissed Ken off. Especially since what they were all 'gimme gimme' about was his newly acquired clothing. Well, barely even fighting them, Ken stood there, angry. They were weak, and as flimsy as his clothes were, they couldn't tear 'em off. The blond gargoyle then slipped and fell, landing on Ken's foot.

"Ow, god damnit!" Ken shouted and kicked the weak and clumsy little blond gargoyle. The other gargoyle immediately stopped tugging and went to help the blond.

"Are you ok?" the other gargoyle asked in a little girl voice.

Ken also noticed that the girl gargoyle was wearing barrettes in her stone hair. How curious. Aggravated at their pathetic act and their stupidity, Ken kicked them both away and headed to the pond. Well, the pond was crystal clear and it was hot and he didn't see the frog, so Ken decided to take a swim. This line of reason was random and faulty, but Ken didn't think the day could get worse, besides, the plot has to move on and wasting time 'waiting' and 'calling' and such nonsense is boring, so he skipped ahead to the swim.

However, Ken was wrong about it getting worse, of course. As he was swimming, something slimy brushed against him. Ken stopped a moment. That was quite odd. He waited and felt it again. Freaked now, Ken froze. Then suddenly, something slipped into his shorts and Ken shouted and jumped out of the water. He reached in his shorts and jerked the thing out. (No, not that thing, God, you are a pervert, aren't you?) It was a frog! Not only that, but it was the enchanted frog. Ken knew this, because normally frogs don't have blue eyes. Well, surprised at his luck, Ken sat down and placed the frog in front of him. The frog then suddenly started to talk.

"Well, aren't you a gorgeous boy." The frog said in a surprisingly normal voice.

"You are the enchanted frog." Ken said flatly, stating the obvious.

"Umm, no, I'm a small orange elephant." The frog replied. Ken snorted.

"Well, I suppose you are here seeking your true love, no?" the frog asked.

"Yes." Said Ken.

"Well, kiss me damnit." The frog demanded.

"What? Kiss a frog?" Ken asked, disgusted.

"Hey, I'm not just any frog, you know. I'm an 'enchanted' frog. Kiss me and I become your true love." The frog told Ken.

"Oh, that's ok then, I guess." Ken replied. So he kissed the frog. Magically the frog "poofed" and was not a frog anymore.

"Is that all? No special effects? Just smoke and a poof?" The former frog asked no one in particular. "How disappointing."

Ken however, was not disappointed. There standing before him, was a tall thin blond boy. A tall thin gorgeous blond boy. Totally naked. Ken gasped. His dream come true. It was the infamous rock star prince, Yama, that had been enchanted last month. How wonderful. Well, he'd had a crush on him for some time. The frog prince grinned at Ken.

"So, you like?" He asked spinning.

"What do you think?" Ken replied and latched onto the rocker and kissed him with all that pent up passion housed in a horny hormonal sixteen-year-old fairy boy (no pun intended). Happy as ever, Ken stood back and stared, not letting go. The Prince also leaned back and stared.

"Not too fuckin bad yourself, gorgeous. You look damn good when you're all wet like that." The frog said.

Ken growled happily and the two splashed back into the pool. From the window, the witch watched with a smile on her face. She was happy for Ken. She watched for a long time, because she was a pervert, just like the one reading this story. As for the scene from the window, we won't go into details, because someone is very uncomfortable describing all the intimacy and sexually perverse things the witch watched the two hot boys do in the back yard, and I never signed on for porn anyways.(you understand, my dear perverted friend Traci?) This is a fairy tale, damnit. There are certain guidelines that one must follow when writing fairytales. Even if some of them are ignored, there is still general protocol (i.e.: nudity, yes; graphic sex, no.)

And so, we gotta end here. So we skip past some sexy stuff and say, 'and they all lived happily ever after'. Except the blonde gargoyle, the purple dinosaur, and the bowl hair cut guard. They were all crushed by falling meteors some time later that evening. Well, they were just falling stars at first, but Ken and Matt wished on 'em from their place in the grass in the back yard (Ken did have one final wish to spend after all.), and they became giant meteors and killed off those three (mostly, because this author desired a way to do away with the undesirables).

As for the rest… big bad found out about his little fairy's attempts at adultery, and returned to Nod to devour his lover, much to the little fairy's delight. The other fairy decided he needed a vacation away from nod, and a lover of his own, and so he too went to the witch for a wish, but never got around to asking, because, turns out, the witch was more than happy to fill said position. As for the Queen of hearts? Well, her and her remaining guard, the jack no less, are still playing croquet in the woods. And chances are, the croquet balls aren't the only thing she's playing with. Last, but not least, the troll is still under the bridge, and eating all the goats that don't heed his warning of "go back", surely, no one cares.

So yeah, everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.

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Cast:

Little Purple Alien Dog/Chu: Ken

Troll: Endigomon (I guess that's right)

Big Bad Wolf (also known as Rumple S.): Tai

Red headed Fairy: Koushirou

Brown haired/Spiky Haired Fairy: Daisuke

Court-

Queen: Sora

Guard 1: Jyou

Guard 2: Iori/Cody

Dinosaur: Miyako

Witch: Mimi

Gargoyle 1: Takeru

Gargoyle 2: Kari

Prince/Frog: Yamato

The couplings are as follows: Taisuke, Koumi, Jyoura, Kenato, & Takari (until T.K.'s death. I used to hate Takeru, but, now, I like him. Poor Takeru.). Iori dies unloved (as he should), Miyako I like, but killed her anyway, for, umm… interference...?


End file.
